How to Develop Self Confidence

Confidence has always been a topic that intrigued me. Growing up, I’d see these characters in movies or tv shows who were cool and comfortable in any situation. They were charismatic, never afraid, risk takers who normally succeeded in whatever endeavor they undertook. The example that springs to mind is Ferris Bueller. His confidence was inspiring.

I wanted to be able to do that. I wanted to be that sure of myself at any given moment. Confidence seemed like an incredible way to boost the overall quality of life. I mean, imagine what life would be like with the confidence of Ferris Bueller. That’d be awesome. I wanted to learn how I could boost my confidence, so that’s what I began to do.

I realized pretty quickly that you can’t just fake it. Well, you can, but that works for very short periods of time. It’s also not very fun.

The next thing I learned was that confidence seemed to come in waves. I might be high for one night, and the next night I’d be low. Or I’d feel really confident one minute, but after one tiny comment, grade, or mishap, I’d be back to baseline. I realized that these highs and lows weren’t a lack of confidence necessarily, but rather, they were swings in my energy level or mood. Get those under control and I could stop being pulled around like a puppet. Get those under control and I could actually build a true confidence.

I think the most important discovery I made was that confidence had to be earned. It’s not just passed around randomly. Confidence is like currency. It has to be backed by something. There has to be something that gives it substance. To be confident, I needed something to be confident about. I came up with the idea that the foundation of confidence is trust in yourself.

When I say trust, I don’t mean being honest and not lying to yourself (although that’s probably part of it too). I mean trust in your abilities. I mean knowing that you can handle the situation in front of you. The idea is much closer to ‘Faith’ in yourself. When you have faith in yourself, you’re not afraid of the future. You know you will handle it when it comes. The question is, how do you prove to yourself that you actually will be capable of handling the situation?

In one word… Discipline.

Many people are confident in their good looks or their natural athletic prowess. Hey, good for them. I would argue, however, that people who had to work hard to look good or improve their athletic abilities are perhaps more confident in themselves than those who didn’t work for it. In the same way, people who earn success/money through sacrifice and long hours are much more sure of themselves than those born into it.

It’s the hard work and sacrifices that earn confidence. It’s the knowledge of what you’ve done and what you’re willing to do. It’s the awareness of what you’re now capable of achieving. This is what makes you a force to be reckoned with. This eliminates the doubt.

So, what is the secret to building confidence? Discipline. Discipline sets you apart from the crowd. Discipline proves to yourself that you are deserving of respect. There are no doubts when it comes to consistent hard work. Discipline provides you with a faith in yourself. A faith in your work ethic. A faith in your abilities. A faith in your will power.

Discipline builds a relationship between you and your future self. You sacrifice the present so that your future will be better. That’s the ultimate version of “self love”. Much different than today’s version of “self love”. This builds trust… a trust in yourself.

So, if you’re someone who has struggled with self-confidence, I suggest incorporating some discipline in your life. Pick something to work at. This could be exercise, work, a passion project, or anything else you’d like to improve at. Put your full effort into it. See how far you can go. When you begin to see results, that’s when confidence will start to show itself.

The best part about consistent hard work is that nobody can take that away from you. As soon as you have put in work, that gets locked away in the past. It can’t be changed.

Try it out for a month and see how you feel. It’s not so much the results your after, but the knowledge that you are someone who will work to achieve your goals.

I said above that “the foundation of confidence is trust in yourself.” Now I think I will change that. “The foundation of confidence is self discipline.” Trust in yourself is then built on the foundation of your own discipline.

Without discipline, you crumble. With it, you’re unstoppable.